is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
