I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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