okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
