Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
