i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
