idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
