Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
