I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
