why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
