he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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