I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
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He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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