It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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