hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this boner is exhausting
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
