Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i think i just lost a toe
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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