Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
