Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
