please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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