Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
