He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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