So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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