Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
