my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize