he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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