Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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