If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
