just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think your dad took our porno
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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