omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
