A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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