I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize