wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
