I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
