Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.