He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.