My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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