He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain