This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
