On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
