No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.