I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
