I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you