Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.