who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.