Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.