she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
