i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
