I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
