I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
