You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
