i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
