You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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