Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
