Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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