That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
