I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
