I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
