I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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