I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
