Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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