she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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