Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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