How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
