it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
