At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
