update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
