Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
