I hate all girls vehemently.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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