i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
