last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
