You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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