true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
