Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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