So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
