She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
