You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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