She's like a pop up book from hell.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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